Wet Whistle

Icon

Just another WordPress.com site

The Power of Titties


This blog is about my experiences as a bartender.  im not fond of long drawn out introductions…the details will come with time.  this first post will introduce you to two and a half  people….first, me:

im the 25 year old flat chested female who loves foreign films, smart men, talking about business strategies, sunshine and especially my dad.  The blog is about this girl:

the 25 year old ex gymnast bartender with pretty big titties pushed up into her chin who loves tequila, eyeliner, chasing C notes, 4.5 lb cracked and stuffed lobsters and asking questions like, “do i look like im good at giving BJ’s?”  We will call her The Conquistadora for the run of this blog.  AKA “T Con,” “TC,” “Dora,” and any other that may sepersede.

the half a girl is the bartending ex gymnast who tricks people into imagining her sucking them off  (T con) during the state of trying to convince people she meets that she is actually the other girl…the one with the t-shirt collection that is writing this blog.  basically the half girl is the one who lets a lot of people down.  she looks like this:

this girl still tries to look pretty but she leaves the boobs at home.  so she wears eyeliner but she is still flat chested.  she could pass for pretty in some hyper educated places like
San Francisco or Boston Mass.

This blog will focus on fat tittied TC but the other girl and a half might make a guest appearance here and there.  you can skip those posts if you like.

Now I will indoctrinate you into the tools T Con uses to do her job well/relatively well/well enough not to lose her job.  the list of these tools is as follows: (included are approximate prices.  bartending is about making the bucks after all.)

(4) wine key $15

(1) black eyeliner $17

(1) black mascara $21

(1) black eyeshadow $6 (on sale, obviously)

(4) wide leg black pants $40

(1) MBT mary janes $315 (to prevent fatigue and soreness, hidden by wide leg black pants)

(5) black corsets $50

(1) victorias secret super fabulous 2 cup sizes bigger black strapless bra $46

(1 pair) cleavage cupcakes aka silicone boob inserts $36

please notice that at least three items on the list emphasize the size of the Conquistadora’s chest in some way.  The fourth item, the black eyeshadow, which you may not have put on the list of breast enhancers, can be used to add a shadow between the bubs to create an even more interesting facade.  these items emulate the appearance of a woman with a C cup.

why is this important?  you already know.  Titties equal power.  over both men and women.  Men want to put them in their mouths, women want to have them so men want to put them in their mouths.  so then they can have babies.  its all very simple.

TC uses this method to make people want to give her things, namely bucks.  she makes people think that if they give her bucks they will grow closer to her titties in some way.  she uses alcohol to make the transaction seem legitimate.  she once worked with a girl with huge fake knockers who make cash with this technique enough to drive a hummer and take vacations to sought after destinations like St Tropez.  TC hasn’t been allowed to get fake boobs because the writer of this blog likes the squishyness of regular boobs.  it is a struggle between the two and you have the privilege to see what happens if you keep reading this blog!

I will also be posting gifts in every post.  gifts are things customers give to T Con.  they are mostly business cards.  though TC once got a napkin im so sorry was misplaced that read “I LOVE YOU! you better call me you little shit! XXX-XXX-XXXX”

today’s gifts:

Advertisements

Filed under: Uncategorized

4 Responses

  1. I already love this blog.

  2. cakey says:

    you’re a star, pearl.

  3. Kori says:

    Congrats on starting your new blog. Very informative. I look forward to your future posts, as will the rest of the PlanOmatic team, I’m sure.

  4. brettwillis says:

    Titties = Power

    Truer words have not been said.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: